Disjointed Thoughts

Lots of different thoughts in my head. For once they don't flow together. So I'm just going to throw them out there and get rid of them. Sorry for those of you reading, since I can normally tie them together much better than this post.

1. Daytime t.v. was always forbidden in my parents' house. (Actually, we weren't allowed much nighttime television either.) Even when I was living 3,000 miles away; I could still hear my mother's voice in my head if I turned on the television in the daytime. I could hear her say quite clearly, "Shouldn't you be outside playing? Isn't there something more worthwhile than that? Turn that thing off!" So while others were doing truly rebellious things in adolescence, my one great rebellion was watching soap operas or syndicated comedies before my parents got home from work. So yes, sometimes when ill or on vacation I get the urge to actually watch television when the sun is out. It's very much a guilty pleasure.

2. Today I was watching "Starting Over" (gasp) during the daytime. The episode made me cry. (My mom's karmic revenge for watching when I shouldn't? You be the judge.) Just when there was a comment that had me laughing the phone rang. I was wiping my face and trying not to sniffle as I said, "Hello." It was one of my best friends, Jeanine. She heard the tears in my voice and was concerned. After I laid her worries to rest I noticed her own voice was all choked up. It turned out that another one of my best friends was, (well, darn the English language doesn't really have a good word for this....) dumped. His boyfriend said that they were going in different directions and that they shouldn't be together anymore. Apparently there was an email sent but I hadn't been online all day. That's why Jeanine was crying. As she was talking I was texting this to yet another best friend. After Jeanine hung up, my friend, Shanda called. So I relayed what Jeanine had told me. Shanda was pretty shocked and hurt by it too. It occurred to me that Shanda and her Jason, Shawn and his Jason, and Jeanine and her Mike all hooked up with each other at around the same time. I use to make jokes that I was no longer needed now that they were all happy. Well, they have all managed to be put aside for different reasons and at different times. And yes, they've needed me (will most likely continue to do so) but I would gladly take back all the jokes to know that each one of them was happy with someone who appreciated them and was gentle with their hearts.

3. My friend and director, Jason, is very mad at me. I don't know why. He won't say and we haven't had any time alone together for me to ask. I know that he's said things lately that make me uncomfortable. Also, he's done things that I don't think are really him and that's frustrating. However, it's more frustrating to not be able to talk about it. I hope he comes around. For while I love the man, right now I'm not so sure I like him.

4. Hi to Lori and Jesse Baird. I loved Lori's email and it is flattering to know that you're reading the blog.

5. My family has what we call Breakfast Burritos at my parents' house on Sunday mornings. It's sporadic at best. We'll be on a kick of every Sunday and then something will come up to change that. So then it'll turn into once or twice a month. Eventually we'll end up skipping a couple of months until we get back into the weekly groove. My family is very close! I have been exceptionally blessed in that. I often feel guilty when I complain about other aspects of my life considering that I'm so truly lucky to have parents, siblings and in-laws that are also friends.

6. I signed up for The Sperm Bank of California's newsletter. As I approach 40 it occurs to me that I will most likely not ever be able to have a child in the traditional way. When I told Shanda she laughed. When I told Jeanine she "oh" ed. When I told my family (the adults) at Breakfast Burritos yesterday, they nearly screamed with excitement. I mentioned that I learned that as of (today) August 1, the FDA's regulations, will make the price of sperm jump. So I'm just going to get the newsletter and if it's going to happen and yes, I'm still questioning it, that it won't be until next year in late winter or early spring. Reactions from the family were all positive~My sister-in-law, Rae Ann, said, "You know if it's expensive we'll all pitch in." Which means a lot because my brother and Rae Ann never have extra $. My other sister-not-in-law, Karie said, "You know my mother will help with that." Her mom's an ob-gyn and has told me on numerous occasions, "You don't need a man to get pregnant! I'll knock you up." Which I repeated to great gales of laughter. My parents were very excited. I was the last to leave on Sunday and my dad just said, "It's right! It's just right that you have a child." I drove my mom to her office and as I was leaving she said, "You should do it now, Christie. You know we'll all help. You'll be such a great mother." Since I consider her the best mom on the planet that was the ultimate compliment. Yes, I even told her so. However, I'm still debating it. I always thought it was kind of selfish for a woman to have a child on her own. So I'm struggling with the thought that I could be that selfish. Hmmmmmmmmm....still up in the air. I'll let you know how it turns out.

7. Ironically enough, a few hours after I signed up for the newsletter online, my ex-husband called. I haven't seen him for about a year and strangely he hasn't called in all that time either. He usually calls every 3-6 months and we see each other maybe once a year now. Of course my take on the divorce is that he stopped wanting to have children and then he stopped wanting to be married. There were a few other reasons but that's what it boils down to. It was nice to catch up for the most part. Although, he did impart some bad news. My pseudo-former-father-in-law, Garrett, is really ill. He's been having a cross between mini-strokes and seizures. He won't tell Chris (the ex) what his condition is called. When Chris asks Garrett just tells him, "Basically my brain is dying." Dixie, Garrett's wife, called to tell Chris that Garrett has been deteriorating faster in the last six months. Garrett and Dixie were always absolutely wonderful to me! They still think that Chris letting me go was the mistake of his life. I feel saddened to know that Garrett may not be here for much longer. By the way, I will post the back story to the pseudo-former-in-laws statement some other time.

8. I had a fabulous time with my friend, Tony, on the way to Jeanine's for movie night on Saturday. He instinctively (?) knew I needed to laugh (it's been a very up and down period lately) and had a comedy album on his ipod for me to listen to. It was all very relaxing and congenial. Later, we couldn't get over the fact that we were able to find two movies: "Constantine" and "Be Cool" that none of us (Jaye was there too) had seen. It was one of the best double feature nights we've had.

9. My PG& E bill was extortionately high. It was three times more than my last two payments. I guess that I'll just have to sweat out the 100+ degree days without air conditioning if I want next month's bill to be normal. Of course I have the a-c on right now but it's set at a higher number than normal. The trouble is that it's already 102 and not even the hottest time of the day yet. Lord!

10. I have been on a diet since the end of May. I was off it for the entire three weeks in New Zealand but when I returned at the end of June I went straight back on. I, also, started going back to Curves regularly. So I've now lost 23 pounds and am still working on the rest of the weight that I need to get off my body. I'm doing it for health reasons not vanity. I have very good health and I don't want to jeopardize that with being overweight. (According to the CDC's body mass index calculator I'm obese. Shanda said their calculator is whacked. I'm paraphrasing her by the way.) I haven't wanted to tell anyone about the diet because it's embarrassing. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable eating around me or ill at ease for not knowing what to serve me. Some people are starting to notice though. That makes me feel a little bit better about sharing the news. I still have a way to go but am feeling good about my progress.

11a. Thanks Wendy and Shanda for always updating your blogs. I'm a little obsessed with reading others' thoughts while on this vacation. I'm sorry that I don't update nearly as often.
11b. Joe, Tony, Monkey UPDATE your blogs, please.

12. Some favorite quotes of mine by the late, great Mr. Albert Einstein:
a. "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
b. "No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
c. "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
d. "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
I chose to put d in my bio for "Picasso at the Lapin Agile" because it is so fitting for that play. Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm off to work out, shower and then rehearsal. Take care of yourselves and may you see a dream fulfilled by the end of the week!