Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Kyle's Nude

This is for Kyle Gundlach (he played Einstein in the play.) It's his favorite Picasso, entitled "Femme." I would like to add that with all the dieting and working out...I'm starting to look more like this than the super-sized version. ;-)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Seven Sevens

This is an adaptation of a quiz friends of mine have been posting on their blogs. The * questions are ones I made up as substitutes for the originals that didn't do much for me personally. The # questions I altered the wording only slightly.

I. What are seven things you plan to do before you die?
1. Have a baby.
2. Buy my own home.
3. Make a quilt for every member of my family.
4. Get my dad to make me three more bookshelves.
5. Visit~Well, pick a spot on the world and I'd be thrilled to try it out. Some top choices are to return to New Zealand, Italy, Peru and New York City. Also, to visit places I've never been: England, Scotland, Egypt, China, Tahiti & Alaska to name a few.
6. Sew a wedding gown.
7. Wear a HOT dress as a bridesmaid. (Shawn, Shanda and Jeanine that was a hint.)

#II. What are seven things that you can do well?
1. Teach
2. Act
3. Write
4. Dance
5. Take care of others.
6. Give good massages.
7. The splits in all three directions.

#III. What are seven things that you won't or cannot do?
1. Bungee jump or skydive. I wanted to do both, once upon a time, but then I fell six feet straight down into a basement. Now every time I take a small tumble my heart starts to race like when I went crashing into the basement. I'm afraid that I'd go into shock if I tried a big fall.
2. Not get bruised, bumped, scraped, cut &/or gashed weekly. I'm a klutz and I admit it.
3. Sing girly high notes. I lost my voice completely in 1990. It finally returned but my entire upper register was lost. Prior to 1990 I had a great range and great projection. I didn't have the best quality but I could match whomever I was next to so choir &/or musical directors could put me anywhere they needed extra volume. Now I have to be near the baritones. NOT THE ALTOS. I know that that is the description for low female singers but even altos get too high for me at times. Baritones are much more comfortable to be around. The weirdest part is that my brain still thinks I can do it but nothing comes out when I try. Kind of like the phantom limb phenomenon but vocally.
4. Too much noise for too long. I like lots of quiet time so that I can listen to the voices in my own head.
5. Swim in a disaster. I can't stand to watch those movies where they swim underwater forever without taking a breath. I'd be so panicked in that situation that I would end up not holding my breath at all and drowning immediately.
6. Watch a decapitation, even a fake movie one, without feeling ill. I don't like to see any violence done to the neck for any reason whatsoever!
7. I cannot speak objectively about the people I love. I tend to gush.

#IV. What are seven things that attract you to a human being?
1. Intelligence
2. Talent
3. Compassion
4. Humor
5. Great eyes
6. Great smile
7. Ability to let the little shit go.

V. What are seven things that you say the most?
1. "I don't know; can you? Can in English means to know how. You just asked me if you know how to __________________. I haven't seen you do it so I'm not sure." Fill in the blank. Usually said to students when they ask me if they can go to the bathroom.
2. "Hello my name is Ms. Nelson and I'm mean and evil." followed by a brief pause, "I mean it." Yet again to students. Later in the year it's changed to "I told you I was mean and evil."
3. "M'ijo" and "m'ija" to my nieces and nephews.
4. "Take care." To everybody, especially when saying goodbye.
5. "Drive safely." Again to everybody when saying goodbye.
6. "Duh! Of course I will." Because I don't know how to say no unless I have other plans.
7. "I love you."

*VI. What are seven things that you would like to say but don't or are afraid to?
1. "Why are you complaining? Don't you know how blessed you are?"
2. "Mr. Bush are you really that stupid or are you just plain greedy and say what others pay you to say?"
3. "Why don't you love me?"
4. "This is really inane (or moronic, stupid, inconceivable...depending on the day.) I can't believe we're expected to do something so asinine!"
5. "I shouldn't care more about your child's education than you do."
6. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
7. "No."

*VII. What are seven of the nicest things that were ever done for you or said to you?
1. My parents have given me experiences around the country and world through travelling that have been invaluable.
2. Jason "Monkey" Feilzer said, "I wish all women were like Christina." to Jaye and Veg in a van on the way back from the Eddie Izzard concert in San Francisco. I overheard but didn't understand. I asked for clarification, "What do you mean all women were like me? How am I?" He said, "You're you."
3. My sister and brother-in-law told me that if anything happened to them that they would want me to have Robbie, and Carina. (Lelan wasn't born then.)
4. "Tia, Tia, Tia!" Pretty much everytime I hear a niece or nephew say it I get all gooey, warm and mushy inside. By the way, they never just say Tia once. It's always in a set.
5. "Mom." Generally said by students accidentally which is the ultimate compliment.
6. "You're my favorite ______________." Fill in the blank with any of the following: actor, teacher, relative, friend. Hey, popularity can be fun!
7. Jason Preston telling me that, "Women have the power. You just don't choose to use it Christina. If you did then you'd know that you have the power."

Monday, September 12, 2005

Yes, I'm Still Alive--Although Even I Was Wondering

Today was a work from hell day. I had to be prison guard tough and not crack a smile because my room was a mess and I had to get my kids back on track.

I went home very ill on Thursday afternoon and was in bed all day Friday. O.K. I was actually out of bed at 6:00 a.m. on Friday to take over 100 pounds of salt and 20 pounds of baking soda, 80 plastic baggies and 500 rubber gloves. Not to mention one set of lesson plans for a sub that didn't bother to follow any of what I'd typed late into the night between bouts of nausea. SIGH!

Luckily, my health has returned although my recent sunny personality has not. I hate having to act like a Nazi and not crack a smile. It's so incredibly draining. However, I can't let the kids make up their own rules and trash the room while I'm gone either. Tomorrow will definitely be better. There were glimmers of wonder in the last few weeks. Here's a quick rundown:

1. We're mummifying chickens! It's so strange and so much fun!!! I get to actually connect it to all the subjects I'm teaching. Like the good old days before NCLB. Don't know what NCLB is? Ask a public school teacher but wear a Kevlar vest and duck...quickly...after asking.

2. Dated a guy named Brian for a while. He still calls but I don't know. I doubt it will last more than a few more times because I've recently noticed others around me that are also interested. I've been offered sex more times than I can count lately AND I'VE SAID NO! Also, there's someone who I've known for...wow, I don't even know how long? Two or three years?....who's shown interest and I'm feeling interested back. I can't continue to see Brian if I'm going to go out playing the field. I'm sorry that just cracks me up. I've never had options before, now I'm overwhelmed with them. Somewhat heady, somewhat frightening.

3. We also did an archaeological dig. When I say we I am talking about my sixth grade class and Christyn Simpkins' sixth grade class. We like to team teach. We don't have to we just like to. We didn't get pictures of the dig but we did get pics...are still taking them of the chicken mummies. I'll post some soon. (I hope.)

4. I've barely been able to read blogs let alone post comments and I'm sorry for neglecting this one. (Especially sorry for Wendy, whose poems I love, because everything Wendy puts down makes me think or smile or even hurt...sometimes all three.) Quite a bit is happening out there to so many people. Of course some of the changes are harrowing like the destruction brought about by Hurricane Katrina and other changes while not so disastrous are still acutely felt by those around me. I thank (for lack of a better term) God for those that are surviving and will pull through and I ask for forgiveness and/or support for those who have (in comparison to Katrina's victims) minor travails to overcome.

5. I closed one show, Picasso at the Lapin Agile, and started rehearsals for another. I'm the lead character, Gillian Holroyd, in Bell, Book and Candle for Kiley's Dinner Theatre. One of my best friends in the whole world, Shawn Carrington, is debuting as a director on this production. It's been fun so far....hope that continues. ;-)

6. I saw The Full Monty with friends at Sierra Repertory Theatre in Sonora. I laughed so uproariously that I was still coughing the next day. A lovely byproduct of a good sense of humor.

7. I've sung karaoke at a birthday party and in public. For those of you who don't know I think that singing in public is like being naked without the fun. Think about it...you'll get it.

8. I had an ATM card stolen. Well, they couldn't find it after running a tab in a bar. There was an actual bar brawl....life has gotten interesting on the weekends....and a few cards magically disappeared. Luckily one of the bartenders had the same bank and the card was canceled before any charges were even tried. Then I lived on twenty dollars for an entire week because my new checks aren't here yet either. I finally got my new card on the same day that the bartenders at Bogey's found my old one. Eh, c'est la vie. (Shanda check my spelling on that please.)

9. I made the Curves board last month as the fifth top "looser" of the month. This month I made the board as the top third "looser." I won a mug. More importantly I'm feeling good about how my body is getting stronger and healthier....this weekend aside.

10. I had some truly honest and in depth conversations with quite a few people this weekend. It was nice that I didn't hold anything back and they all appreciated it. No sugar coating, no trying to assuage someone else's feelings. If I was angry I showed it. If I wanted an exchange of rationality it happened. It was all very refreshing to not censor myself. I didn't realize until just now how often I do that.

11. Tomorrow there's a rally because we're still working without a contract. I was voted a union rep for this year (second year in a row.) It's a write-in at our site because no one willingly volunteers. {I'm on the committees for Leadership and Action Team at my site too. Thank God I don't have to participate in BTSA anymore! I was running out of dates to have meetings on as it was.} I hope that we get a contract soon. The latest figure that will be taken out of my monthly check to cover health insurance is being estimated around $225.00. I already use up practically every penny and I don't have dependents...yet...so it is hard to imagine how those with dependents are going to make ends meet. I also have the cheapest plan provided to us. I don't need special medications or to see specialists of any kind. The mind boggles at how insurance can rise 433% in one year. Kind of like gas prices...daily.

Well, I've got to go get ready for rehearsal. I hope that everyone reading this is well and life is treating you as kindly as a puppy would. You know all loving, sticky affection in a bundle of warm fur. I don't know why but it feels like a puppy hugging week. That kind of unconditional love and acceptance is needed more often, don't you think?

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Echo

I found a couple more poems. My mom usually has anything I've ever written. This is stuff even she hasn't seen. I'll need to go through some journals and find some more to post. It's kind of nice to be truly done with it.

These two poems were not necessarily related. I never even titled them but the folder on the computer was titled "Echo" for one of the words in one of the poems. So I guess that's good enough for now. Oh and they were offset from each other for a reason, which I can no longer remember.


Moving through the mist too swiftly
I can’t catch
Your echo.

My heart lost again
Dream.


Cool Midnight Madness

Twisting, arcing, reaching
Naked in the night.

The glimpse of light
Caressing a flowing limb.

X-Terra Tales

This is the beginning of a short story (or series of tales hence the title) that never got finished. I figured I'd throw it on here for those of you who haven't had much to read lately on my blog. I'm just catching up on my reading of others' blogs. I haven't even really had time to comment let alone write my own posts. I'm glad that I will be able to catch up somewhat on this three day weekend.

Anyway, enjoy! Oh and some of the names have been changed to protect the guilty! (Because, of course, I had to put some reality into it.)

Some guys grab you with their looks. You can’t help feeling, “Wow! He won the genetic lottery!” Others grab you with their wit. However, once he stops making you laugh the tears will well for days. Then there are those guys that you can’t believe could be so talented. You marvel at what he can do and later marvel at how you’re not enough of an audience for him. Finally, there are the smart guys. Smart guys are incredibly stupid when it comes to relationships. They have a tendency to fall for women you can’t stand and think you’re such a good buddy that you want to help them untangle the mess they’ve made of their love lives.

Matthew was none of these. Matthew grabbed me with his smell. He wore something subtle but powerful and it found it’s way into my soul. Well, o.k., it actually went somewhere else first but I was trying not to be vulgar. Unfortunately, I didn’t know it was him. In the process of finding him again I lost my heart but for once not my hold on my sanity. Which if you have ever been in love with a typical American guy you know what I mean.

There are three types of males in the U.S. There are boys, guys and men. (I know I left out teenagers. Teenagers don’t apply to this theory as they are their own subspecies of the human race. I really don’t think teenagers should have their behaviors held against them. Think back to your adolescence and you’ll be less judgmental.) Boys are naturally young males that need to be taught how not to turn into a guy. Sometimes they lose the battle during puberty but occasionally they make it to the hallowed ground of being men. Men are evolutionarily equivalent to women. They are a step, make that a giant leap forward, for their kind. They are responsible, compassionate, dedicated to principles they believe in, not dependent and not excessively demanding. Men are males you can actually talk to and have sex with and not get screwed up emotionally. Guys on the other hand....

I am an observer. I am rarely able to take part in the mating dance because I am a human free zone on the straight man’s radar system. A straight guy looks at a crowd and he’ll hear the little beeps when his eyes scan the women. Not when he gets to me though. I am the Stealth bomber of women. I get looked over completely. No little flashing lights when he looks at me, no tell-tale warning signs that the enemy is in his midst. When a straight guy notices me it is because he needs a friend., a pal, a buddy. A spy in the enemy camp perhaps? Which leaves me feeling eternally like the best friend in a bad teen flick from the eighties. And since, on the inside, I’m still the good middle class girl that I was raised to be, I actually don’t mind helping out as the friend, the pal, the buddy. Although, I can’t help wishing that if my life were a teen flick at least it would be a good John Hughes one. The feel-bad then feel-good kind where the oddballs end up ruling the day. The type of movie that people would move up to DVD players for since they wore their VCR’s out watching my story...sigh.

I suppose I should tell you more about myself. I’m a librarian in a Northern California town by profession and an actress by avocation. Despite popular opinion not all librarians are fuddy-duddy ugly women. In fact, my friend Aurora, is drop dead gorgeous. No one ever believes that she’s a librarian. Sometimes, they don’t believe I am either. I’m passably pretty according to friends. Even on a bad self-esteem day; I will admit that I’m not butt-ugly, just slightly attractive. Have you ever owned a Crayola crayon box? Five-year-old self portraits were easy; Crayola brown hair, Crayola brown eyes and Crayola pink and brown skin, and I was finished with the masterpiece that is me.

It’s not my parents’ fault. They have exotic genes. They just passed them onto my siblings. I’m the normal looking one. My sister is beautiful and my brothers are very handsome. Although my youngest brother is short for a guy. Yes, unfortunately he is still a guy. He hasn’t evolved...yet. However, I’m holding my breath. Our dad is the benchmark for manhood in my mind. I believe that eventually my brother will figure this out and emulate the best man that we know. Well, I’ve always had a blind spot when it comes to the people I love.

Which is where this tale begins.